Sunday, June 11, 2006

Realizations and revelations...

I definitely need to update this more....hmmmm...

God's been teaching me a lot lately. A lot has been happening in my life...changes in the way my time is spent...and its made a world of difference in my walk! Today at church, I was sitting in the row with my 3 close friends (all 3 married couples) and realized that it was the first time in a long time that I was okay with it. Usually it bothers me a bit to be the unmarried one amidst the happy families...but it was okay! Sarah loves to dig into my life and gets so excited over little things we talk about...and we started talking about my future in general. Right now, I'm at the point where I would be okay with God taking me anywhere. I should always have that faith and willingness, but it isn't always that easy.

About a year ago, I sat in Marion, IN...working my summer away, searching for a job where I wanted to live. I had all of it planned out... Then, God really tested me. He put me right back in Richmond, Indiana...someplace that was never an option. I was so upset. I couldn't understand how I could be so willing to go wherever and God put me here!?! Now, I realize 2 things.

First, I wasn't willing. I had my boundaries. I had mapped out guidelines in my mind and said "Okay God, I'll go long as its here or here or father than here." How dare I put God in a box. He already knew where I was going, I didn't need to give Him instructions. Now that I look back, I realize how shallow I was. How selfish I was. And at the same time, I think of where I am now. I am in the same situation. Ready to go...ready for God to put me wherever He wants me. But, its different now. I truly believe that God is going to put me where He wants me without me having any say-so. If he wants me to live here, then by golly, I'll find a great apartment and become involved in a great community of believers and pour out into the lives of others. But, He could move me to Nicaragua...I don't know! All I do know is that I'm willing...I'm ready to go wherever! Through my prayer life, I've felt the Holy Spirit so much lately. Apartments I've looked at haven't felt right at job feels like its coming to an end (for me, at least)...and more and more people are moving away, people who live "away" are flourishing, and I'm getting antsy. I don't know what that means, but I know that I'm praying a whole lot about it...

Which brings me to number two. I look back on this year and realize how blessed I have been. I now see some of the reasons God has put me here. He's given me a couple of great mentors...wives and mothers that have gone through the exact struggles I face daily...and they can't wait to pour into my life. I've found accountability...something that always was a struggle. I've learned so much in my work...not only about video production, but about myself, my work habits, and my strengths and weaknesses. I can't tell you how many times a lady at my church has prayed with me and thanked God that He brought me back to FCWC just in time to do His work in media.... And even with that, I realized how pivotal FCWC was in me being here...but coincidentally, I've been passing that torch to someone who will actually hold a part-time position doing what I did in my spare time and he is perfect for it. I feel like thats just another portion of my time here that God is blessing and allowing me to move away from. Its not my responsibility anymore, God's putting someone else there.

I can't believe how shallow I was a year ago. I also can't believe how much closer I am to God now than I was a year ago. I hope every year I see that same growth!! God is good and as I sat at church today, I had to smile thinking of that. He knows much better than I ever could....and I thank God for that! And thanks Sarah, for making my life seem exciting :-)

"Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweights them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18


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