..by which I stand

"In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I’ve been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone I’ll overcome
Oh, I could stop and count successes like diamonds in my hands
But those trophies could not equal to the grace by which I stand..."

This may sound strange, but I really wish I could wear a sign on my forehead that said "its not by my own doing." Lately I've realized that I lack humility. I find that when people tell me I'm doing a good job or that they appreciate something nice I've done, I take the credit. Somehow I end up mentioning personal "successes" in most conversations. Why can't I stop?! Its like a sick disease. I've realized the fact that I enjoy being the center of attention. That could be my biggest obstacle.

When I got my new cell phone, I made sure to get a cell phone ringer that would mean something to me. I always have my phone with me. It rings loudly...so other people hear it. I remember listening to different songs thinking, "would I want this to represent me?" So, I chose this song, by Brian Littrell. It has been such a blessing in my life. If I start getting ahead of myself, my phone rings and my stomach sinks. If I'm around someone and my phone rings and they hear "In Christ Alone" start playing, I know that I have to live that out or else I'll be seen as a hypocrite. Its been a challenge, but one I need.

I look back on these things I deem as "successes." Not a single one of them was by my own doing. God was so obviously in every thing. What makes me think I could take credit? For the most part, I've been able to use these blessings as a testimony to God's goodness, but how many more opportunities have I missed by taking the credit myself?

My prayer is that someday, the things I do will be truly done for the Glory of Christ and that His will be the only attention I need.

"...In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory, Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope

Is Christ alone."

Speedbumps are an understatement

"People doin' better, people needin more.
People writtin' letters, people get ignored.
People savin' money and people saving face.
People going hungry, people waste away."

Those words are echoing in my headphones right now. It's interesting. God seems to work in the most unusual ways in my life. I can look at my life from the outside and wonder why things are the way they are. But, being in my skin, I don't question those things at all. They are simply because God made them that way. Its an incredible feeling to be at peace with the path you are taking...

I wrote in my journal quite a while back about how much I desire to follow the will of God. I felt like I kept wanting to be walking that "path" and I didn't even realize that I shouldn't be watching from the outside desiring to be doing exactly what the Lord wants me to be doing...I should already be doing that in God's will. I want to do an experiment. I want to interview so called "followers of Christ" and see how many of them really think they are "in" God's will. I want to compare the answers of those who are going through loss or hardship versus those who just got married, just got a new job or are experiencing the miracle of a newborn. I can make my predictions already: Those who are happy and full of excitement will be sure that they are in God's will. That is the only explanation for their happiness! Those suffering, those experiencing a hurt like they've never experienced-a lost job, lost direction, battling with loneliness-they probably won't see themselves as living in the direct will of God. Of course, we all know that the only way to be living in the will of God is to be happy and have everything handed to us... Surely God wouldn't will suffering on His children!!!

"Well people wearing nothing, people wear it all.
People scared of something, people live in dark.
People goin' places, and people running home,
and those that know what grace is,
People disown"

I can't count the number of times in my life I've suffered. I've lost many family members to illness and old age. I've lost almost as many friends and classmates to automobile accidents and suicides. I've been in broken relationships, I've been betrayed by friends, and I've been lost and alone. Does that automatically mean that I've been living outside the will of God?

I remember a time about 8 months ago that I was absolutely devastated. I was hurting in a way I hadn't quite experienced before. I had to deliberately pray for joy every morning in order to avoid dwelling on my pain the entire day. Coincidentally, that is probably the point in my life where I've felt most like I've been in God's will. If God only willed for us to be happy, how would we grow?! Being in God's will means doing everything for the Lord. Suffering, yet praising God for the pain. Crying, yet rejoicing in the joy of the Lord. Falling, but letting God catch you before you hit rock bottom. And through it all, growing closer and closer to the one thing that sustains your life.

That's following God's will.

Be okay with being a "people", maybe that is what will grow you the most.