Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Speedbumps are an understatement

"People doin' better, people needin more.
People writtin' letters, people get ignored.
People savin' money and people saving face.
People going hungry, people waste away."

Those words are echoing in my headphones right now. It's interesting. God seems to work in the most unusual ways in my life. I can look at my life from the outside and wonder why things are the way they are. But, being in my skin, I don't question those things at all. They are simply because God made them that way. Its an incredible feeling to be at peace with the path you are taking...

I wrote in my journal quite a while back about how much I desire to follow the will of God. I felt like I kept wanting to be walking that "path" and I didn't even realize that I shouldn't be watching from the outside desiring to be doing exactly what the Lord wants me to be doing...I should already be doing that in God's will. I want to do an experiment. I want to interview so called "followers of Christ" and see how many of them really think they are "in" God's will. I want to compare the answers of those who are going through loss or hardship versus those who just got married, just got a new job or are experiencing the miracle of a newborn. I can make my predictions already: Those who are happy and full of excitement will be sure that they are in God's will. That is the only explanation for their happiness! Those suffering, those experiencing a hurt like they've never experienced-a lost job, lost direction, battling with loneliness-they probably won't see themselves as living in the direct will of God. Of course, we all know that the only way to be living in the will of God is to be happy and have everything handed to us... Surely God wouldn't will suffering on His children!!!

"Well people wearing nothing, people wear it all.
People scared of something, people live in dark.
People goin' places, and people running home,
and those that know what grace is,
People disown"

I can't count the number of times in my life I've suffered. I've lost many family members to illness and old age. I've lost almost as many friends and classmates to automobile accidents and suicides. I've been in broken relationships, I've been betrayed by friends, and I've been lost and alone. Does that automatically mean that I've been living outside the will of God?

I remember a time about 8 months ago that I was absolutely devastated. I was hurting in a way I hadn't quite experienced before. I had to deliberately pray for joy every morning in order to avoid dwelling on my pain the entire day. Coincidentally, that is probably the point in my life where I've felt most like I've been in God's will. If God only willed for us to be happy, how would we grow?! Being in God's will means doing everything for the Lord. Suffering, yet praising God for the pain. Crying, yet rejoicing in the joy of the Lord. Falling, but letting God catch you before you hit rock bottom. And through it all, growing closer and closer to the one thing that sustains your life.

That's following God's will.

Be okay with being a "people", maybe that is what will grow you the most.


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