Thursday, June 29, 2006

Peanut butter M&Ms

I thoroughly enjoy peanut butter m&ms. Seriously, its 11:30 in the morning and I'm indulging in a stash of chocolate-peanut buttery goodness. I feel a tid-bit guilty....but not enough to stop eating them. Besides, I'll run later tonight and get rid of the guilt.

Its sometimes a challenge to me knowing that I'm going to run at night to get rid of some small pleasure. Would I really miss the peanut-butter m&ms if I didn't eat them? Are they really worth it? What is so redeeming about candy coated chocolate that causes me to "indulge" in something I know I'll regret later? Interestingly enough, I find myself challenged with that question in so many more ways.

What sin or burden is so worthwhile that it will satisfy and somehow serve as a replacement in my life for God's direction?

Last night I went and saw Superman and then we all headed out to Sunshine. Its a bit of a drive across town and I had a lot on my mind, so I was glad when my friend jumped in the car with me. I unloaded a bit of my struggles (not purposefully) and he was very supportive. He said that he had expected it to come out sometime. I don't know if he just has some great insight or its just obvious that I was carrying a bit of a chip on my shoulder...but I was glad he understood. I think back to this situation and realize that it was my "peanut butter m&ms." I was so burdened in the situation. I worried...I fretted...and I was so unhappy thinking of what was going to happen next. I was in a situation that wasn't in line with God's will, and I knew it. I knew I'd have to "run it off" after the fact, but for some reason I stayed and indulged in the heartache.

What a picture God painted for me last night! I sat in my car and told Nick that I haven't had an unhappy day since the fact. I truly feel like I've run off my m&ms and I know what it feels like to fit into that outfit that should be way too small... I'm freed of it!

I've not felt this happy in a long time. I've been blessed with some amazing friends, ones who truly care and one in particular who understands me more-so than I thought anyone ever could. Its a great blessing.

I challenge you to stop and listen before you indulge in your peanut butter m&ms and recognize that running it off won't be as redeeming as following God's will in the first place.


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